I used to have a great set of friends. A group that could get together all of the time or split off in pairs, it didn’t matter. We were as close as you can be with friends, I think. We journeyed through high school, college and moves together. Boyfriends and God and family…there weren’t any topics unchartered.
Time has separated us quite a bit and though we talk now and then, it’s been time to start the search for a good group of friends in Texas. We resisted Texas for a long time, didn’t want to put down any roots, but it’s clear now that we’re here and we might as well start planting.
I used to be a serial hand-holder. Nothing was sweeter to me than walking through the park with a friend, swinging our arms together and venturing into unwalked paths. I was also a barefoot hippie in those times, but you know, things change. Since I was separated from my friends, I have recoiled into un-touchy-feely mode. I don’t appreciate when strangers touch me and I find anything beyond a hug – extraneous touches on the shoulder, arm-in-arm, yadda yadda – to be uncomfortable.
It’s not only the touch. I find I’m extremely untrusting in this neck of the woods. I was always a huge fan of meeting new people, strangers were my favorite and I have always been very outgoing. Since moving to Texas, though, I find myself imploding and withdrawing and feeling shy and uncertain. I’m not sure how to make friends here and I’m not sure I even want to. We have friends. Don’t get me wrong. But the trust issues we’ve brought with us from the sadness of leaving our friends have made the tiniest flake or cancelled plan suck to the Nth degree.
It’s hard to start trusting again, but we’re ready and willing and open to new friendships. Open to closeness. It took a long time to get here. A lot of weekends in. A lot of crappy “settling” friendships.
I’m ready to start discovering the friendship-worthy-chicks Texas has to offer. That sounds like a personal ad, holy moley. Anyways, you know what I mean. I’m not sure I’ll ever find anyone as awesome as my friends in Chicago, but maybe it’s time to stop comparing?